I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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