my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
whose parrot is this?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
