Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
