Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
