I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
