that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
