i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
