Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
