Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
