she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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