So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
