Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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