I should be sponsored by Trojan
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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