Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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