So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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