and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
