put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
