I want to walk on stilts...naked
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
