My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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