Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
