Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
