I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize