sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
