You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
