So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
