He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
