she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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