the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
