I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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