A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
