haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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