So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts