just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.