I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer