your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.