we have pet lesbian snakes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment