I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
