who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?