Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.