I seem to have left my pride at pride
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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