chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
