I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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