Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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