a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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