rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
