Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
