When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
