she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
