Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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