Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
