I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
