Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize