Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
