I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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