I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
