Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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