apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
