my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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