U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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