after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
