There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
