If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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