I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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