sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
