Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
