Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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