I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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