I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
