i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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